My Period Story
I remember the first day I got my period. My friend was over for a play date and she had already gotten hers. I noticed a brown stain on my underwear and asked her if that was my period. She confirmed that it was my period, and we alerted my mother, who was WAY more excited about it than I was.
I was hosting a pool party at my house that day. After many failed attempts at inserting a tampon, I surrendered to the pad — the big, chunky, cotton pad that I feared was noticeable through my pants. I had a sinking feeling in my chest when I realized that I wouldn’t be able to swim at my own pool party. I was disappointed, mortified, and angry. I felt like a victim of my own body. “Why me?” “Why now?” “Why do I have to become a woman TODAY?!”
Little did I know that it would be many more years until I would consider myself “a woman” and that I actually was NOT a victim of anything. I’ll get back to that shortly.
Fast-forward a few years later, I started having sex. My mom and I decided together that going on the pill was a good idea. As a teenage girl, I thought “hell yea, no condoms!” and it was as easy and simple as just taking a pill every day. Despite the laundry list of symptoms and side effects printed on a fold-out paper the size of a map of California, I took on the “but that won’t happen to me” mentality, as invincible teenagers do. J
I tried Ortho Tri Cyclen Lo, Lo Estrin, Lo Lo Estrin, among others, but there were so many adverse side effects affecting my mood, body, and skin. I felt like Goldie Locks trying to find the birth control that was “just right” for me.
Before you know it, I had been on birth control for 10 years, and had scarce or irregular periods throughout that time. I would reach the sugar pills in my pack and hope for my period every month. Still nothing. My intuition was telling me “something isn’t right” and every time I visited the GYN, they would say “oh it’s just the birth control. Don’t worry about it. It’s normal to not have a period.”
THERE IS NOTHING NATURAL OR NORMAL ABOUT A WOMAN SUPPRESSING HER PERIOD (AND THEREFORE HER POWER) WITH ARTIFICAL HORMONES.
I’ll come back to that.
In March 2014 (right before I was about to graduate college), my pap smear came back as abnormal and that I had mild dysplasia, which is the presence of abnormal cells, which may signify a stage preceding the development of cancer. My GYN kept throwing out the word “cancer” but kept telling me “not to worry.”
We biopsied and monitored the cells and fortunately there was improvement. But the drama doesn’t stop there. I still wasn’t getting a period.
In 2015 I started practicing yoga and meditating much more. I started asking deeper questions about life and taking better care of myself. I started educating myself about what I was putting on and in my body (food, medication, people, skincare products, makeup, etc.) and I realized the real damage I was doing to my body with hormonal birth control.
I decided to quit my birth control in October 2017. My GYN told me that my period would return in a few weeks, so there was nothing to worry about, right? WRONG.
My period didn’t come again until FIVE MONTHS LATER on the day I got my Reiki 1 attunement, which is essentially downloading the healing powers to practice Reiki from a Certified Reiki Master.
Reiki is the spiritual healing energy that can heal us physically and emotionally. My attunement was extremely powerful where I could feel the healing light circulating my body and releasing the stuck emotions that had been blocking my womb. I went to the bathroom shortly after and there it was.
I sobbed, releasing the emotions that had been harbored in my womb space for years. Sadness, grief, anger, shame, guilt…we ALL experience these emotions and most of us suppress or repress them. The emotions then get STUCK in your cells, tissues, and organs.
My period came again right on time a month later! I was healed! Or so I thought…
I decided to move to Los Angeles about a month after that. Moving, change/transition, and uncertainty naturally disrupts the system, causing imbalances in the root chakra (which governs your safety/security and feelings of groundedness).
I didn’t get my period again for another 14 months. During that time, I was working a high-stress desk job that wasn’t fulfilling. Sure I was good at my job and loved my co-workers, but the work itself was draining my soul. I was suppressing my power and intuition and therefore the flow of energy in my body.
Whenever I talked to doctors about my amenorrhea (absence of menstruation), they would always ask me if I was under-eating or over-exercising, implying that I don’t know how to take care of myself or that I had an eating disorder – which I did not. Or they would throw intense words and diagnoses around like “pre-menopause” (I was 27) without even TESTING me for those diagnoses. My GYN diagnosed me with “polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS)” without even doing an ultrasound. PCOS is essentially incurable and untreatable according to these doctors. I was not willing to throw in the towel and fall victim to an incurable diagnosis. I knew I had to take matters back into my own hands.
I knew that my Reiki 1 attunement worked the first time, so I continued getting energy treatments such as Reiki, Somatic Massage Therapy, and Acupuncture. I even tried Chinese herbs such as evening primrose and ashwaganda for a little over a month. Although these healing modalities were definitely helping me with overall mental/physical health, I still had no sign of my period.
I was desperate.
So I gave up on my holistic/eastern medicine for a little and decided to try the western way again. In May 2019, I took Provera (progesterone artificial hormone) to start a drug-induced period. I got one “period” and I felt like I was going to die. I was nauseous, had diarrhea, fatigue, headaches, etc. I knew that this was NOT the route I wanted to take and I didn’t want to keep pumping my system with manufactured medicine.
I went into my GYN office for a follow-up and my regular Dr. was not available at the last minute, so they had another Dr. come into see me. Without even asking me why I was there, she started treating me with a procedure that would help induce pregnancy. I was NOT trying to get pregnant, nor was I in the office for any type of procedure. I never returned to Cedars Sinai again.
Due to the poor bedside manner and lack of empathy or help I received from any GYN, I decided to take my power back into my own hands and continue this journey without western medicine. I knew there was nothing wrong with my physical body, but there was something going on emotionally/energetically/spiritually.
I began tracking my periods and continuing my deep inner healing and spiritual work. I started learning how to relate to my body in a loving way.
I got a natural period again after a 3-day intensive healing workshop where I cried A LOT. I got it again 4 months later after a session with my somatic massage therapist (again, lots of tears). Then again 2 months later after a 3-day women’s healing retreat where there were – you guessed it, crying and release.
The more I tuned into my healthy feminine energy (softness, feeling, rest, allowance, feeling) and stopped hustling, over-doing, and over-working, the more I was able to release the old emotions and the past and feel more at home in my body.
My period disappeared again for 6 months until I decided to get my Reiki II attunement (the next level of Reiki certification/attunement). Again I could feel the energy rising from my root chakra into my sacral chakra and all the way up and out of my mouth where it was released in yelling, sobbing, and crying. I was experiencing another Kundalini Awakening.
Just a few weeks prior to the Reiki attunement, I started vaginal steaming which is an ancient remedy for cleansing the uterus physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I believe the steaming and the attunement combined helped to bring back my period this time around.
Since the attunement and keeping up with my regular yoni steaming practice, I’ve had three healthy regular periods!
I also started cycle-syncing, which is optimizing your health and well-being based on your menstrual cycle. There are certain exercises, foods, and work tasks that are recommended for each phase in your cycle. Now my entire life revolves around my flow so I can feel my best and allow myself time to rest when it’s needed.
Our bodies were not made to function the same way every single day like society expects us to. We are cyclical and seasonal beings and it’s important to honor this for the sake of humanity. I recommend Alissa Vitti’s books called “In the Flo” and “Woman Code” if you want to learn more about cycle-syncing.
I’d love to say that “I’m healed and this journey is over” but it’s not up to me. My body is on the journey. All I can do is take care of it the best way I know how.
We are not victims to our bodies. We only get one Earth vessel to enjoy on this planet so we might as well take care of it AND take the power into our own hands of healing ourselves. We must also take emotional responsibility for our thoughts and feelings toward ourselves, our bodies, and our cycles. My limiting belief was that my period was inconvenient, gross/dirty, and a nuisance, which was even further ingrained in me by society and, sadly, medical professionals. I had to heal this belief and release the pain she kept locked deep within. This is also ancestral trauma healing (but I won’t get into that here).
I honor my yoni, which in Sanskrit means “sacred portal”. I tune into the wisdom and intuition that my womb holds and I empower other womben to do the same. When I need to cry, I cry. When I need to yell, I yell. When I need to dance and twerk and sing and shake, I move my body. When I want to speak my truth, I dig deep into my womb for the power to speak with clarity, love, and confidence.
Now I am so deeply committed to holding space for women who are on their own healing journeys and want to reclaim their power.
My friend and Reiki Master, Dany Srey-Snow, and I led an online course earlier this summer called “Womb Wisdom: Awakening the Divine Feminine Through Your Yoni” where we led an intimate group of women through their own healing journeys using reiki, yoga, meditation, chanting, dance, yoni steaming, yoni eggs, storytelling, and more.
We are thrilled to announce that we are holding this sacred space again in September for a limited group of womben who are interested in doing the deep work. If you’re interested in joining, reach out to me and we can set up a call to see if the course is a good fit for you. Learn more at www.ToriDanyCo.com/womb-wisdom.
May you remember and reclaim the divine wisdom and power that lies within your womb.